Articles

Lok Sabha 12A

Many of you may know that Vajpayee Govt lasted 13 days for the first time and 13 months for the second time. Using simple geometric progression many of you might conclude that the next Vajpayee govt will rule for 13 years.We follow the British notation in most ways. Since the 13th Lok Sabha elections are around and 13 has really become an unlucky number for the
Indians, just because we follow the British system, I think we should call the forthcoming elections as 12A Loksabha elections. That way we would paid great tribute to the British system.
What you might NOT have known is...

The 13th Lok Sabha elections held in September have brought in a sweeping change in countries perspective about the politicians. Pundits who believe that BJP will come with a better majority are puzzled at people's mandate. Congress(I) came back with a sweeping majority all over the country, even in places where they have not contested any candidate.

When the party spokesman Arjun Singh was asked that how this was possible, he said "People voted for Congress as a whole. Not for any individual person" he said. When another reporter asked about how could Sonia Gandhi win 100% of the seats in Ameti constitution he said "People voted for Sonia Gandhi, the individual. Not for Congress as a whole."

When the results were announced Sonia Gandhi called upon the president and said she would like to be sworn into office by the Italian Prime Minister and not as usually done by the President of India. The working president after his initial protest, has agreed to it on one condition that he would be present in the ceremony. Sonia Gandhi at first is reported to have disagreed indicating that he can watch it in TV and there was no need for him to be present in ceremony. After much pleading and lobbying by her own partymen and Rashtrapati bhavan officials, she finally seemed to have agreed on condition that he should not make any speech of his own. Any speech if at all, will be given to him by CWC. Meanwhile, all of her relatives and the relatives' relatives and the relatives' relatives' relatives are already arriving at the New Delhi International Indira Gandhi airport by special chartered flights. Their other relatives will be arriving on the day of swearing in by Concord flights. This would increase the tourism between India and Italy she said. All other flights in and out of New Delhi IG Airport stand cancelled.

Sharad Pawar while talking to the press said "Dekha, maine kya bola tha? Janshakti ko koi rokh nahi sakta. Lokshakti hamesha teek hai. Jai Soniaji. Jai Itlay. Jai Hind". (See, what I told? Nobody can stop people-force. It is always right). Laloo Prasad Yadav, who won by a thumping majority in Bihar. exhorted to this pressman: "Communalism haar gaya! Corruption jeet liya! At last people have understood that Corruption is better than Communalism" he said. To share this victory he said all people in Bihar would receive a free bag of aatta for their cattles and fodder for themselves.

Mulayam singh yadav was hard to find after his pitiful defeat. He blamed the BJP, Congress, UP people and a foreign hand for his defeat. He is said he was the one who tried to save India from a 'foreign raj' but sadly people's craze for white skin has sabotaged the national security. We are slaves and will be slaves of the West for ever he said.

The mood in DMK headquarters in Tamil Nadu is awful. Karunanidhi blamed BJP saying that their propaganda was negative. Instead of campaigning about their achievements, they should have campaigned about Indira Gandhis politics, Rajiv Gandhis corruption cases, the ill-effects of British raj and NATO-Kosovo war, he said. He also said that Tamilians have finally demonstratd that they have no brains and they have yet again fallen under the sway of the witch queen. He especially asked this reporter to print the word 'queen' with small letter and not with capital letter. He also joked with a smile that Tamil language doesnt have a distinction of small letters and capital letters and thats why it is so different from English and it is easy to learn. The crowd cheered him for about five minutes for his extensive knowledge in Tamil.

Meanwhile, the AIADMK camp was glittering with lights and songs of the Queen. One AIADMK representative threatened this reporter to print the word 'queen' with capital letter and in case it was printed otherwise, (il)legal actions would be taken against his email id. (Note: It is not clear whether he pronounced legal or illegal, because it is usual in Tamil to add an "i" before certain nouns. For example, Rama sometimes becomes Iraman, Lakshmana becomes Ilakshmanan.) Inside the party headquarters there were many priests assembled for the ucchikala puja (afternoon prayers) and some more were arriving for the sayankala puja (evening prayers) to be performed on the AIADMK chief & diety, Jayalalitha. "The people have given the right mandate. Communalism is now dead in India. Corruption Vaazhga. India has been saved from foreign hands", she said with jubiliant smile. When the cutout artists assembled in the headquarters to prepare new cutouts, she sent them away saying that cutouts are not in her agenda anymore. Instead she has sent for architects to build a temple for her in Mount road, Madras. She also ordered them to make several idols of her, and she would select the most appropriate to be installed. Other idols would be donated to poor people.

After the announcement of Sonia Gandhi that Congress (I) will be hereafter called as Congress (S), the former TMC headquarters has now been renamed after her as 'Sonia Gandhi Congress Camp of Tamil Nadu'. The former-TMC party former-chief Moopanar was very excited and said 'It was very evident from the very beginning that Congress would win. It is sad that the intellegentsia could not percieve it.' When asked about who would be the CM of Tamil Nadu, he said that according to Behnji Soniaji's wish, he would be very delighted to present the throne to Aachi (jayalalitha).

The CPI (M) headquarters was flabbergasted by the defeat in all quarters as it didnt get any votes, including those votes of its own party members. The party pres is thinking of sending a delegation to China, to rethink its strategy. The Chinese ambassador has offered help to rebuild Communism in India. In a brief interview, he said he sees great future for Communism in India and said even when Russia has abandoned it, he was confident that India would accept Communism. India has always been open handed to all invasions he said, like greeks, chinese, mughals, british in the past. He also pointed out that India has culturally invaded China for the past 3000 years.

The Indian Ambassador in NY said the following about the election results: "We are the largest democracy in the World. In any big democracy, the results are always unpredictable. This mandate shows that people are going in the right step towards stability. This is very good for the long run".

Some more words of wisdom by different party men:

The BJP party chief LK Advani had these words to say: "It is a sad day that Rome has conquered Ram". Devegowda was still sleeping and no one could elicit any answers from him.

Sedappatti Muthiah: Please ask our Amma to know whether we have won the elections or not.

Harkishen Singh Surjeet: We have committed a historical blunder by allowing Congress to win with such a majority. Sonia Gandhi poses a great threat to national security. We will work with all force to dethrone her. All other party matters will be decided after meeting with a Chinese delegation.

Subramanyam Swamy: Justice has won at last. If only I had become the finance minsiter last time, all this would not have happened. Jayalalitha, with all her corruption cases, poses a big threat to tamil people. I know how to frame her and I will release the necessary documents during the next election.

JH Patel: A great victory for democracy. Indian people have once again showed the world that Wine and Women are most important things in life.

Bal Thackarey: The election result is not a defeat for us. It is a great defeat for our great Maratha king Shivaji.

Rajnikanth: No one could contact him as he is understood to have left for Kailash to do a penance.

Cho: In a way I expected this result. We pointed out in Thuglaq two elections ago that the third election from that time will be won by Congress (I) against all odds. It is indeed sad to see such a result that Corruption has come back to power again. Anyway I have got work to do.

Azharuddin: We lost the world cup because the tournament was held before the elections. Our boys would have performed well if the media and spectators were not present in the ground. Our boys were very worried who would win the coming elections and thats why we lost. Another factor is they didnt bat well, bowl well or field well. We were expecting a bad climate in England, and suddenly since the climate was good, we were very confused and not prepared for it.

Gaekwad: The team is best in the world. But the morale is very low. At least we were very happy that we could defeat Kenya. That has brought up the team morale. Yes, it is sad that we lost to Zimbabwe, but you know participating in the tournament is more important than winning.

Sensex value could not be determined. Sonia Gandhi had ordered that all numbers will hereafter be represented in Roman Numerals and not the usual Hindu-Arabic notation. There fore the electronic equipments which follow the sensex values had to be redesigned to represent Roman Numerals and therefore the whole place is chaotic.

RK Lakshman's Common Man is said to be very angry at RK Lakshman for creating him.

Sports Desk:
BCCI, speaking for the first time after Indias defeat in the World cup, has complained about the administration of Sonia Gandhi. Sudden interest in Football has spurred country into the new millenium with Pepsi, Coco Cola and other sponsors holding soccer matches all over the country and totally abandoning cricket. All cricket fields have been converted to Football fields, while bat-ball-manufacturers reported heavy decline in sales. The Indian Football Coach, Mr.Gaekwad expressed confidence that they will win the next world cup soccer provided the boys kicked well in the field.

And finally film news: The Italian influence on Indian culture is being felt everywhere. A recent hit song written by Vairamuthu contains many Italian words. For those whose dont know Kaviarasu Vairamuthu is the saviour of Tamil language in recent times. He has mastered the art of skillfully blending English words into Tamil songs like 'Telephone mani pol', 'Columbus Columbus', 'Hello Doctor...' etc. For the benefit of illiterate people (that is those who dont know the Italian language) an excerpt from the song is presented with translation whereever possible:

Man: Senorita, Senorita, nee thane en Margaritta
Woman: Ceasar, Ceasar nee thane en Squeezer
Man: Kaadal seivoma? Spaghetti seivoma?
Woman: Oodal seivoma? Vermicilli sappiduvoma? (Senorita, Senorita)
...Music...
Man: Pompei maane, Pizza thene neeye neeye
Woman: Casanova kanna Caligula manna neeye neeye
Man: Sophia Lauren, Sonia Gandhi neeye neeye
Woman: Mafia Gun-num, Mafia Man-um neeye neeye
Man: Pisa towerum, Pista paruppum neeye neeye
Woman: Muthil paditha vairame anbe vaa arugile

Translation:
Man: Senorita, Senorita, you are my Margaritta
Woman: Ceasar, Ceasar you are my squeezer
Man: Shall we make romance? Or Shall we cook spaghetti?
Woman: Shall we make love? Or shall we eat vermicilli?
...Music...
Man: You are the deer from Pompei, you are the honey in Pizza
Woman: You are dear Casanova, you are the Caligula king
Man: You are sophia lauren and you are sonia gandhi
Woman: You are the mafia gun and you are the mafia man
Man: You are the pisa tower, you are the pista nut
Woman:Come to my arms oh diamond enscorched in pearl!

Since the film was dubbed in Hindi also, here is a Hindi translation of the
song, suited to Hindi formula:
Ladka: Senorita, Senorita, tum meri Margaritta
Ladki: Ceasar, Ceasar, tum mera Squeezer
Ladka: Pyar karenge kya? Ya spaghetti banayenge kya?
Ladki: Ikrar karenge kya? Ya vermicilli khayenge kya?
...Music...
Ladka: Pompei ki raani, Pizza dilwaali tum ho tum ho
Ladki: Casanova naina, Caligula sayyan tum ho tum ho
Ladka: Sophia Lauren aur Sonia Gandhi tum ho tum ho
Ladki: Mafia pistol aur Mafia premi tum ho tum ho
Ladka: Pisa tower tum ho, Badam Pista tum ho
Ladki: Bahon mein aaja, sapnon ka raaja