Articles

Jaws of Victory

The coward dies many times before his death, The valiant never tastes of it but once,
Of all the things I have heard in the world, it is the strangest to me that man must be afraid of death
Knowing that it is a necessary end, it will come when it will come.

William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act III

What would these people say after our defeat in WC99? In case you are wondering, here is a preview...

Azhar
<mumble> <mumble> good job <mumble> played <mumble> <mumble> boys <mumble> <mumble> girls <mumble> school children <mumble> badly bowled badly fielded badly <mumble>.

Gaekwad
(Angrily to this reporter) See here is a white bond A4 paper. Are you educated enough to read what I have written? Do you know what it means? [This reporter takes a look at the paper and sees the 15 member squad team in bold font 36pt]. As I said earlier and even now I stress on that point, the Indian team is very strong in paper. Yeah we lost but look at the brighter side- Zimbabwe, the team which won only three games and lost all Super six mathches, has also not qualified for semi-finals. That makes me happy.

Brijesh Patel (manager)
We lost because of the points system. It was a stupid system. ICC didnt inform me personally about this system. There was no point system in 75 and 79 cups in which I played. But suddenly when I am the manager of the Indian team, they have introduced the new point system. Teams like India should not be included for sharing points, it should go directly to semi-finals. Remember we won the 83 world cup? So we should not be counted for points. Its a shame on the point system.

Sunil Gavaskar
Yeah India lost, but look at how Sachin was striding in the pitch, running between wickets, adjusting his helmet, gripping his bat, scratching his head in the field. This is what we call in Mumbai 'Ghar mein aaj daal, Sachin abhi maarega ball, pata chalega bowler ka haal, sab ka moo kaal'. Of course our Hindi readers will understand this.

Former Indian Cricketers
All of them have different opinions. To summarize:
- India lost because we didnt bowl well in English conditions
- India lost because our batting didnt click at the right time
- India lost because our fielding was bad and we couldnt save runs
- India lost because our tail didnt wag well
- India lost because captaincy wasnt good and there was no motivation
- India lost because it didnt rain in England as expected to prevent India from losing
- India lost because the points system was very bad
- India lost because though points system was good, but completely new and therefore should not have been tried on WC. It could have been tried on county/Ranji/Duleep matches and then ported to WC
- India lost because league and SuperSix matches were treated equally with same points. If India had been given 10 pts for beating Pakistan we would have easily made to semi-finals.
- India lost because the rain spoilt our preparation games and our cricketers could not adjust to English climate immediately
- India lost because not all players were from Karnataka.
- India lost because not all players were from Mumbai.
- India lost because not all players were from Delhi.
- India lost because there were no players from Nagaland and Mizoram.

Andrew Kokinos (exit note)
I tried all my best to make them practice normal exercises. When I ask them to do sit ups, they ask me "Can I sit in that easy-chair and do the exercise?". When I ask them to do pullups they ask me "Can I pull this rubber band apart?". When I ask them to practice catches, they pass the ball from one hand to another hand. When I ask them to run around the ground, they ask me "Is it possible to rotate the ground around us?". It is very difficult to work with a team with no inclination to exercise at nets.

Raj Singh Durgapur
We thought that all 1 billion people would wish us luck. But some mischeavous imps who work on electronic media disguised as virtual journalists were against and thats why we could not win.

Sonia Gandhi
India lost because of BJP govt. The BJP govt failed to motivate the indian cricket team and therefore we lost. The Indian public have realised this very well and will punish them in the coming elections.

Congress (I) members
They didnt really give any of their opinions because they felt that their opinion has already been told by Sonia Gandhi and they had nothing more to add to it. In light of poor show of Indian cricket they insisted that only Sonia Gandhi could save Congress (I).

Jayalalitha
This is all DMKs fault. There werent enough players from Tamil Nadu, which Karunanidhi failed to provide. Its a conspiracy against Tamilians, Tamil Nadu and the Tamil Language. And thats exactly the reason why we couldnt make to semifinals. The Tamil people know this very well and will punish DMK in next election.

Karunanidhi (in a wedding ceremony)
Dear brother-not-born-along-with-me,
Today India has not made to semi-finals. Why? Why? So I wanted to ask the Tamils and Tamil Nation. If Tamilians had had little bit of brain and self-respect this would not have happened. This happened because when Jayalalitha was ruling this state, not much money was spent on developing cricket. May be there is a football stadium, but who plays football in this country? Even if we play football, have we ever even qualified for Soccer cup? (Claps and Laughs). What is the use of giving rice to the infant? You should only give milk to it. (Applause and the audience are amused at his knowledge). Instead of football stadiums and Hindu temples, cricket stadiums should be built. When the tamilian's interest is in cricket and if the govt builds a football stadium, he stands confused. Thats why we could not produce quality cricketers, and saying this I bless the couple. Long live newly wed couple.

Subramaniam Swamy
When BJP could not provide me the finance minister post, I immediately asked them to 'replace' it with Sports ministry post. They refused even that small post. Thats the reason they had to go out of govt. Ah, Oh, And thats why we lost.